Just so you know...
Being monitored in private was a trick where they were nicer to me at first yet still ruined and messed with my real life.
It wasn't the experience you'd expect.
I found an older European lady I was supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with. I still definitely was open to other people! However, people come and go like older icons and ruin this revealed "relationship."
Nothing wrong with other people being famous or underground famous. I just can't seem to settle because it's like I'm just being punished by her via the people monitoring me in private. They disagreed with my private life, and the people monitoring me in private seemed to have left me until 2012 when I met someone else first. So, the older European lady gets attention from people like the *ideal* experience, you might say, is for her as a reward for having a "relationship" with me. She has a good relationship with another very famous person, whereas this person pretended I was bad and I'm stuck very alone but also bothered by people getting too close to me. It's like "the" program for her, gets encouraged to feel pleasure and by this person, something that you'd think naturally inclined to be.
People pretend to still be excited about me, but they just all are onto me in a bad way that hurts. We all die, too, someday, and this life was disappointing and I'm not going up. This sort of thing going on can disturb other people of what their life might be like, like it's right and convenient.
Also, everyone is interested in suggestively stimulating her, in their own unique way, while kids just get jealous because she's more like a kid maybe than they are!
I'm not jealous of famous people so much per se in a way, but I feel I was set up. First, it was like it was me and I met this older European lady, but now it's just all about her and like I'm in trouble for no good reason. Many people act like they hate me and feel sorry for my friends I had to a degree and probably suggestive thoughts about my relatives. Some people don't respond appropriately to me, sometimes. I can't feel like oh I'm on top of the world because I'm too ordinary and don't do bad things to feel pleasure and suggestive pleasure. People hate me for my age! Anyway, some conflict seems to be created when some experience sets in. Not much happens, neither, other than this in a way annoying drama.
Other people not older than me are being more accepted now. I am considered bad and jealous. So, it's not an interesting experience.
People just argue that I have this relationship, and I'm happy with how nice most people are to me. However, mainly these problems occur. I don't do much with other people, and I get distracted by messages, noises, and controlling my computer (like when the page loads to highlight some moment of thought or feelings) via the people monitoring me in private. It's not fun, and they think I'm in trouble. I get in trouble just for things like if a curse word pops up in my head! if something could have been all stupid smiles rather than a roller coaster of emotions. It can result in being bothered and something worse to them happening, like what I think or how I act when distracted. It's like I can never be happy; now, I hear noises in my ears, little ticks etc. I do wear earplugs, and sometimes they seem to make little ticking noises when they adjust, too.
It's also been lame not going to college, worried it'll be too hard or not having resources. My major after all is not strongly connected to college, in a way. I could do it myself maybe, and college is just a process. That major is music. I was told to leave for being shy or maybe I had a hard time with my course load 2nd semester. I could have stayed and did but did worse in hard classes, so never did much. All the little general studies over the years did actually help in some cases, in opportunities I might have wanted to take.
It boils down to the aggression via people monitoring me in private being too much of an issue for no reason and seems sorta stupid in morality but smart in being mean. Even if I am very well-liked, I'm simply in trouble for the likes of older European lady. It was like other people were mean to me for her, but now I think that's just a way to punish me without it being completely literal, literally from her. It frustrates me that supposedly other people are into me because she has a "relationship" with me but that I'm for no special reason not good enough for her or the likes of others who want to be seen as over and above me, in this experience. I keep getting manipulated and feel my opinion is always unsuccessful, as people go by sure of themselves, many here in Orlando thinking I am bad for no good reason. So, also the people monitoring me in private give me messages in place of others who are a main threat to me. Like, they might disturb me emotionally or sway my thinking and way of life and things, somehow. I feel this has not been a good internet experience, White hatred dominating the world, at least people in my world.